First Date Dues and Dunce

Dating is something you learn to do and the best/only place to start this learning process is on first dates.  God knows I have plenty of experience in this, but sometimes learning is hard.  Part of the problem is the thinking that "this time it'll be different."  And you go about rehearsing the same date as the last, even down to the same restaurant (because it's convenient and nice enough without being pretentious).  


If you've been on a lot of first dates like me, you've probably hit that defeatist wall.  "What's the point?" you ask yourself.  "It's just going to be the same awkward uncomfortable dinner with small semblances of chemistry, but not enough to see them again."  Now, I don't claim to be a guru of love, in fact, I think I may have a learning disability.  But I will share what I have been able to learn about first dates.  


1.  It's okay to have an opinion.  If you're a guy, date plans probably should reflect the type of person you are.  Attempting to reenact someone else' first date success story sets you and your date up for disappoint (I've attempted this before with ego-shattering results).  Girls, if you don't like Thai food and he took you to his favorite Thai restaurant tell him, just be polite and flexible about it.  Compatibility isn't as much about similarities as it is about how the two of you handle differences.  


2.  Be honest, but not too honest.  On a first date, I asked the girl what she liked to do for fun.  Her reply: "drink."  That was it...  Now, you might be thinking that she wasn't interested and was trying to sabotage the date, but she did show interest in seeing me again (and we did go out on a second date).  Anyway, she decided to be brutally honest.  The other option was to lie.  Before you go on a date, I think it's important to evaluate yourself, your life and your qualities.  Present those as best you can without having to lie.  She could have talked about things she thought might be fun that she would be willing to try.  I'm sure everyone has some of these (and they're good sources for future date ideas).  


3.  Don't take it too seriously.  A date is memorable because it's fun.  A fancy, over-the-top dinner may be memorable.  You'll remember the dinner, but years later you may not remember the date's name.  Putting too much pressure on yourself is an obstruction between you and a good time.  Even if things don't work out, you might make a friend.


That's pretty much all I've got.  Everyone's different, so there's probably lots of different opinions on first dates, but I think these three are fairly universal.  Anyway, like I said, dating is a learning process and there's no better way to learn than by doing.  It's not always easy to find someone to fall in love (or bed) with, but continuing to date is part of the process.  You live and learn, you pay your dues and you find your own style that is lovable.


I think I've gotten a little preachy with my posts here, so I think I'm gonna try to include more of my own date experiences.  A second date blog post is coming soon too. 

Romantics vs. Realists

I'm not really sure where this blog entry is going, but I think this needs to be addressed.  

Whether you think you're a romantic or a realist, or one of the two but really the other, the easiest indicator for what you are is to look at your decisions in regards to relational circumstances.  Realists face the facts and make a logical decision for possibility of that relationship.  Romantics urgently pursue and attempt to overcome any and all obstacles like it was their last chance at happiness.  

If you don't feel like you're one of these two in particular, that's because there is a secondary element that factors into it.  That is pessimism and optimism.  I think this can be best illustrated by a graph.  

Well, there it is.  I think that's pretty much self explanatory and a little too revealing of my own personal emotional roller-coaster.  I'm not arguing one is better than the other, but it's probably a good idea to keep some distance from the lower pessimistic region.  Keep this graph in mind when considering what type of person you are and be the realist/optimist, realist/pessimist, romantic/optimist, or romantic/pessimist that you were meant to be. 

Note:  two people in similar sectors/areas on this graph does not automatically mean compatibility.  In fact, it could be complete incompatibility to be in the same area in some cases.