Showing your cards

Everyone in the dating world is playing a game.  Even the ones that say, "I don't like playing games" play games, they just don't like the rules by which others play.  "Game" is a bit of a misnomer since it implies the goal is to win and defeat the other, which can be the case for some but not for those who are searching for a deep and wholesome relationship.  And maybe that's it, finding the right partner that plays the same game by the same rules and you both win.  Some say dating is a dance.  A dance of love if you will.  And in dancing and playing games participants must make sound judgements, precise movements and proper reactions to everything that is going on around them.  This is not always the case, at least for me it isn't.  I usually fumble the ball, make ridiculous misperceptions and false judgements.  

Sometimes you start dating someone and it ends and you don't really understand what really happened.  You're left confused, lonely and no one to take to the Sara Bareilles concert(you take your male roommate and feel really gay).  When those mini-breakups happen I've learned to chalk it up to a mismatch of our games.  


A while ago, I had an on-again-off-again type relationship that spanned about 10 years.  We dated for six months in high school and got together again about every 2 years after.   In between we were just friends.  Every time it fell apart I reasoned that it was circumstance or that we were better off being friends.  The last time we got together I thought the timing was right.  So then, I decide one day to write her a nice email expressing my appreciation for her and how I've enjoyed my time with her.  A week went by and nothing.  I asked my female friend about this unexpected radio silence and she wanted to know what I said in the email.  Then I told her, and after she laughed her ass off for a good 5 minutes, she informed me that I had broken up with her.  When I thought I was sending her a nice, loving note about how I felt about her, I was actually dumping the woman.  WTF?  I guess that in between the lines of what I wrote I was basically saying good bye.  The girl didn't really give me a chance to explain myself and she was already moving on when I finally caught up with her.  My friend still gives me shit about it to this day.  

Anyway, I pondered what could've been done better or differently to have saved it from ending, not just that instance but all the past ones as well, but I realized I was just being myself and so was she.  Though we were always drawn to eachother through the years our rules or the game we played never allowed us to be happily together.  There are no regrets here.  I've come to learn the importance of expressing your feelings.  If a relationship seems to be fizzling out but you don't want it to, show your cards.  Tell them how you feel, it's your last ditch effort at pursuing happiness with that person.  Just don't make sure it doesn't seem like you're breaking up with them!

Cheers!