Single Statuses

Being single is not an individual status(pardon the pun).  In fact, there are several modes of being "single".  I find it strange that often times the status of being single is a negative one.  People see it as a sad state of being, especially from your condescending supposedly happily married friends.  Some of the best times of my life were had because I was single.  So, it's safe to say that there are many attitudes towards this status.  Here are a few:


First there are the ones that say things like, "I'm open to a relationship but I haven't met anyone special yet."  They are either lying because there is someone special and they don't want to admit it or they're telling the truth and they're satisfied with what they're getting out of life.  I have been both.  Early on, when the hormones are flooding our veins and libidos thundering in our loins, I thought I had met the one.  It was all new to me and approaching a woman and exposing my feelings was way too terrifying so I kept my mouth shut and let her slip away and into some other dude's arms.  Lesson learned.  Of course, as we get older this situation can be much more complicated but it usually just comes down to whether a man can be man enough to express his feelings to a girl regardless of the possibility of rejection.  



The second group are the ones that like being single.  They enjoy relations without the complications of relationships.  By "relations" I mean one night stands, booty calls, and immigrant prostitutes(the natives are too expensive that you might as well be spending the money on dates). This group invented the line, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now."  That line is a clear indication of what they're after, an uncomplicated physical relationship.  What's strange is that a few people, I hate to generalize but mostly women(sorry, I don't have much experience with men), hear this and see it as a challenge.  As if this line was a dare and the person takes it upon themselves to get them into a relationship.  They tease and please their way into our schedules.  And after some time, maybe out of frustration, they corner you into a "state of the union" conversation*.  Where you're forced to painfully and strategically articulate your lack of romantic interest.  Obviously, I have or may still be part of this group. 


Thirdly, there are the ones that bitch and moan about being single but don't date.  It's kind of confusing and I don't really get them.  They flip flop a lot, they want to be setup, but not with him, they want to meet a girl but turn down every single one that crosses their path.  Either, A. they're super picky, B. gay and still in the closet or C. they're secretly hooking up with a member of the second group.  I have never been one of these, except for the secretly hooking up part.

In the fourth group we have people who are involuntarily single.  They desperately want to be in a relationship but can't find a suitable partner.  They explore every avenue of finding "the one" or "oh God please, anyone!"  They mope about as if their single status is some sort of life-threatening affliction.  I call them "sad single".  In reality, it could be many other possible reasons they can't find someone special.  A common one is that their baggage is in plain sight.  Whether they're wearing it on their sleeve or slapping it across your face with it, most people flee from large amounts of relational baggage.  I once went out on a date with someone and they were eager to be in a relationship again, but their baggage was too much.  She criticized almost every opinion that I had, became defensive to most personal questions I asked.  I could taste her bitterness in my chicken piccata.  I have had baggage, and may still have some, but if finding love is a journey the airlines will eventually lose them for you.  


This last group I'll talk about is the exact opposite of the fourth group.  On the other side of the spectrum are the misogynists and man-haters ("angry single").  They despise the opposite sex so much that some consider becoming gay and a few actually make a trial run at it.  Typically they don't like to talk about their time on the other side, so I don't have much insight on that.  This attitude is usually the result of some drama-trauma.  I got burned pretty bad once.  It was quite an act of manipulation and betrayal on her part and the realization was quite infuriating.  I became very cynical and despised women.  I got into this habit of having these really awkward encounters with women at bars/clubs.  They usually went like this:
Me:  Hi, how's it going?
Girl:  Good, yourself?
Me:  FUCK YOU SLUT!
And then I'd just calmly walk away.  It didn't always go like that.  Sometimes I'd use bitch and whore.  My friends found it wildly amusing, but really I was dying inside.  It's safe to say that I grew out of it and I am back to my normal self... You ugly whore!**


Anyway, I think that covers a lot of people but I'm sure there are more.  


*For those of you who don't know what the "state of the union conversation" is, they are conversations that typically start with questions like, "Where is this going?"  or "What are we?"  My favorite response to give to "where is this going?" is, "This is going to Pleasuretown."
**Just kidding!